I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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