Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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