Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
