just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
