dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
