I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
