I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
