I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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