just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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