I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
