Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
