now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
