I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
