Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
