I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
