I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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