We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
