last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
