so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
