maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
