Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
