there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he shaved USA in his pubs
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
