oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
