You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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