My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
