Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
