allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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