I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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