like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
