I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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