I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
