i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
