shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
