we have pet lesbian snakes
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
