At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
