No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
