Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
