Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
