I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
