My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
