Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
