dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
