This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
