I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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