well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just had sex bonerless
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
