theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
