ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
