He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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