What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
