I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
