I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
