so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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